On an incredibly common basis, trans men and women that come out are fulfilled with a strange response. People who come out as trans girls might be requested, even by well-meaning individuals,”Why can not you simply be a homosexual man?” And trans guys, too, face the other side of the:”Can not you just be a lesbian?”
This misconception rather clearly stems from a failure to different sex identity from sexual orientation: Trans girls aren’t some intense kind of hyperfeminine homosexual men, nor are they automatically attracted to men whatsoever; trans guys aren’t an intense type of butch lesbians, and might not even be drawn to girls.
Obviously, one’s gender identity isn’t a choice, and is one’s sexual orientation. However, the anticipation that we could only make such a decision — which we could just as easily go 1 way or another — can also be rooted in a lack of understanding of gender dysphoria and its effects on our sexual selves.
Before I came outside and cried, I spent several years ensnared by precisely this fallacyI assumed that since I had been delegated man, and since I had been and undeniably feminine, this should have supposed I was a homosexual man. That is what it means when you are a female AMAB, correct? Wrong. This enabled me to understand exactly nothing, and that I ended up spending much too long wondering why I could not find guys attractive or stimulating (with the exception of some exceptionally femme”man” versions that, years later, would emerge as trans girls ). What type of homosexual man was ?
Through those decades, the notion of actually coming to sexual contact with another individual — man, woman, or was simply unfathomable to me. I just could not envision it or the way I could even do some of these things. After a time, I began to wonder when I might simply be asexual. This may be the last answer for some individuals, but it was not for me.
The very first time I had sex, in the cusp of turning 22, was having a girl, as a woman. There was no expectation at all that I’d do some of those things guys typically do through sex with girls: ” We did it enjoy lesbians. Plus it was deep and amazing. Each the problems I had with visualizing myself as a guy, having to do things together with men or with women, were no longer .
Nevertheless, this was a year before I’d begin HRT, and during that time, I continued to struggle with familiarity: I had difficulty becoming comfortable unclothed. For some reason, it felt odd to be touched. I felt in a space, somehow split and taken out of the encounter, as though stuck inside my head. I desired it, and that I wished to desire it there was no uncertainty , however, there were several pieces of sex which I simply could not make work. Andthe worst of all, it simply amplified the stress that perhaps I was a homosexual man after all.
But that was not my final response. Within a matter of months after starting HRT, I believed I could completely occupy my body. Each of the obstacles dropped — I might be genuinely enthusiastic about gender, completely immersed at the moment, for the very first time in my entire life. Nothing about sex made me stressed now; it was only enjoyable and felt unbelievable. I had neverbeen able to get this depth of expertise prior to HRT, before I understood myself as a lady, before I understood myself as a girl who loves girls.
Why can not I just be a homosexual man? Since I really can’t. I really couldn’t. My response, such as that of many trans folks, is that I tried this — and it did not work. This does. My womanhood does. My lesbianism does. And, ultimately, my own body does also.